Last week, I delved a bit into one of the main reasons we may hold onto unnecessary things; that being our sense of investment for that object. I also noted how sentiment is the other leading reason we would hold onto something we tend not to utilize on the regular. Now, I'm not going to begin to try and tell anyone how sentimental value is highly subjective, and therefore the object doesn't inherently hold importance to you, so if you don't use it, you should just throw it away. The reason is 1) You're grown! Do what you want! and 2) because sentimental value is so subjective, I have no right to tell you the "actual" value of that thing. What I will say, however, is that sometimes we may think something is more deserving of sentimentality than we'd like to admit. I'm sure we all understand what makes something of sentimental importance important. To look at that china set you inherited from grandma makes you think of her. If you enjoy the memories that china set brings to you about grandma, the value of that to you means something in your daily life, especially if grandma has died. It gives you that sense of connection to the person who isn't the room, or to that time in your life when...
The wonderful thing about sentimental objects is that you only need one. Just one. It doesn't matter if you have the whole china set, or just a single cup- it will evoke those memories all the same. It's amazing how many memories a tiny china cup can hold.
That's an upside to sentimentality's subjectivity. The downside is that we can over assign the duty of sentiment to things that aren't really needed for the sentimental experience to unfold. You can have just the china set, or you could have the china set, the book ends, the jewelry box, the jewelry, the drapes, the bed spread, the pressure canner- but in this sort of clinging to grandma's things, you may feel that you're holding onto more of a connection than what's actually there.
When I was fifteen years old, soon to be sixteen, I lost my grandma on my dad's side of the family. It was a hard for the family, and for myself being a rather depressed, angsty teenager as it was, this was an incredibly hard blow. Grieving is a rather rocky, messy, painful, and often times confusing ordeal, and it's hard not to want to try and reach out for something that makes that person you love tangible again. I had wished I had something of her after she was gone. In secret, I desperately wanted a vial of her ashes to carry on me at all times, to keep hidden under my shirt and close to my heart. Thirteen years on and I've come to realize I don't need anything of my grandma's to feel her in my life. Another perk of the subjective nature of sentiment! Now, she's in my laughter, in my humor, in my frustration, in my sadness, in my tears, in my accomplishments and ambitions. That's because those are where I've placed the sentiment to honor the spirit of my grandma, and therefore it's always with me. And, unlike a china set, it can never be dropped and broken, or stolen, or lost.
Sentiment isn't just for the preservation of the dead in our hearts, though. What are friendship bracelets if not sentimental gifts we share to feel close to our friends at all times? Even a simple string tied around your wrist by your best friend is enough to invoke the powers of your revered kinship just as strongly as if it had been a string of diamonds. In this regard, sentiment is the value that overpowers the value of money. But just as money holds power over us, so too can sentimental things.
If you're finding that you're holding onto an uncomfortable amount of heirlooms honoring someone you love, try this; put the vast majority of those items into storage. Whether it be in your attic, your friend's garage, or in an actual storage unit in town (make sure they'll be safe where ever you put them!), leaving only one thing for only three rooms in the house. Put these items in a place where you'll easily see them regularly for a month. During this month, you can not go see the rest of the items you have in storage for any reason! It's just a month, and you know they're safe so you don't need to worry about them. Now reflect on if you think having your space cluttered by every little thing you could get your hands on to remind yourself of that person is more effective in connecting you to their memory, or if you remember them all the same with just those three items. If you feel it's not enough, ask yourself why. Once you've given it enough time, you'll know what you need to do to find the right balance between honoring the sentiment verses honoring the object. Remember, memories work like a spider's web. One little fly landing on one little string of it can be felt by the spider throughout the entire web. One little item can trigger the entire trove of memories in our minds. We can also build the arms and trusses of our webs to better catch the flies as well as the clever spider can catch hers.
